11 Oct Suicidal Thoughts & The Inner Critic For The Fall Equinox
Coming back to a relationship with God was the beginning of understanding my worth and value, my purpose and calling in this world, and the untangling of many years of shame, internal doubt/guilt, and living on the edge, in a party lifestyle that could and would have easily taken me down if I hadn’t made significant life changes. The beginning of my path to the light, and to healing, was walking into a church where I lived, in a different state, when I felt a calling to go back and try it, because of pain, and a tangible hole in my heart.
All day long, as a mental health therapist, I have people talk to me about suicidal thoughts — which is okay to tell a therapist, by the way, everyone has these dark thoughts at some points in their life! (You just can’t say you have. Plan to kill yourself — then we need to figure out how to get you help!). I help people talk about all of it, the reasons to live and the reasons they want to die, and we write up a safety plan and on occasion call the CO Suicide Crisis line together so the person see they are friendly therapists, safe, and they will talk you through the dark nights of the soul and internal self-doubt.
The accuser, the inner critic, or the enemy of your soul, uses your negative self-regard, against you. It will try to take you down and take you out. But God is stronger.
I have no fear. I haven’t lost a client yet. I will stand in the gap and I will help God fight for their souls. The battle is God’s, and He will fight on your behalf. You just need to reach out and not keep silent. Pastors, therapists, life coaches, anyone who has ASSIST or suicide training and a spiritual background, should be able to help you.
The inner critic will use your shame against you, it will try to keep you alone and isolated, in guilt, pain and not sharing your fears with other people. The negative beliefs, false beliefs, or vows or lies that you have believed about yourself because of messages you received growing up, or the internal messages that you say to yourself, like “you’re a loser” “you aren’t perfect so you should give up” “why are you even here”.
can cause you so much internal pain that you may be tempted to take your life. Don’t do it. Stay present. Stay here. Stay out of those negative and self-defeating thoughts and seek support.
You need this to bring these messages into the light, and share them with another safe human, or a therapist (someone similar to me). It may be too much for some people, some friends, family members may not be able to hear that amount of pain. Then you need to reach out to a pastor, therapist, etc.
The darkness loses its power over you once you bring it to the light. A darkness or grief shared is cut in half, but when you keep it to yourself, the pain is doubled.
I hear about suicidal thoughts all day long, many of our teens, older teens/college, and adults, especially those who do battle with addictions, or have a history of emotional or physical abuse, don’t know their calling, purpose, their worth or value, or why there are even here in this world. I will help you, come alongside you, I will help fight this battle with you, and I’ll join the fight for your soul and help you battle the inner critic and inner darkness. It’s a spiritual battle, and God is the most powerful. Perfect love (God) casts out fear and love wins.
Whether you know it or not, God has a purpose and a plan for your life. He has a plan for hope, and your future. Both here on Earth and in Heaven with Him eternally. (Jeremiah 29: 11-13). When we seek God, which many are doing now, because of this crazy world, you will find Him. God will lead you back to your purpose and your value. He did it for me. So don’t give up…. Reach out instead.
I will have a conversation with you and I will help you find the right support to walk you through your pain and out of the darkness into the light.
It may be the fight of your life, but it’s worth it, you’re stronger than you know, and you’re an overcomer, especially when you have God in your corner.
As I explained, bring darkness into the light, so that it loses its power over you. A grief shared is halved.
Even though this lifetime isn’t fun sometimes, even though we suffer grief and loss, and so much pain we’re tempted to give up, God steps in & He will rescue you. Call out to Him, walk into a church, find someone safe to talk to, you’ve got this and He’s got you. You’re in God’s big and good and safe hands, now and for eternity.
Sending you love, light and blessings on your path. Please reach out to me if you are called to.
Jayma Jamieson, MA, NCC, LPC